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By guest author
WEISSDORN
Real Germans are cleanliness fanatics. Usually they can only relax
and stop worrying when they use their toilet at home, because then
they are absolutely 100% sure that it was cleaned properly, because
they did this themselves, after the cleaning lady cleaned it first.
The chemical industry profits from this obssession, because the
Germans are European leaders in the number of cleaning agents, powders
and soaps that are purchased annually.
Real Germans consider holiday (vacation) time a God-given right,
and sometimes I have the feeling that some of them are convinced
that it has been incorporated into the German Constitution, if not
the Holy Bible (Thou shalt have 30 days paid vacation time), instead
of the civil working laws. The excuse is that without vacation time
the working professional cannot regain physical and mental strength
to maintain the productivity, is only an excuse. People who actually
admit that they spent it riding their bicycle around the neighborhood,
or even going to a cabin at the lake are considered by their peers
as inferior. Real Germans have to have a trendy vacation, such as
hiking in the Himalayas, sailing in the Mediterranean, or mountain
biking in Cambodia, or the Australian Outback. If you don't want
to be disregarded by your German colleagues altogether, then at
least the all-inclusive hotel on Mallorca, Tenerife, or Ibiza.
Real Germans believe in the soundness of the education system.
The fact that they rank No. 25 in the list of developed countries
is simply considered as irrelevant, although they are doing what
they can to prove that this statistic is based on poor testing results
not from real German children, but from immigrants from other countries.
Real Germans believe that traditional German cuisine is superior,
and will be the first to tell you that Rheinischer Sauerbraten is
superior to Chateau Briand or Filet Mignon. Although France may
have more types of cheese; Germany has more kinds of bread and preserved
meats (sausage). No real German would ever admit that the Roulade
is a dish they stole from the French.
Real Germans prefer minor rules that regulate daily life, such
as the Hausordnung. The Hausordnung is the set of rules that governs
the daily life in uncounted apartment houses. The Hausordnung tells
the Germans when they can make noise or music, when they have to
be quiet. Who has to clean the stairwell, take out the trash or
shovel snow. It even tells them how often they are allowed to have
a party. Although it would seem a contradiction. As much as they
like making these rules, they also like to break them, and then
the others seem to enjoy lecturing the ones who broke the rules
that they have done something absolutely impossible, and they must
be punished for this. No, I don't understand it! The courts are
full of cases based on petty neighbor squabbles.
Real Germans love clubs. Clubs (Vereine) in Germany even have a
special financial tax-free status (e.V. - eingetragenes Verein).
There are clubs for everything from bowling to knitting, singing
and rowing, for animal lovers of all kinds, even clubs for people
who have been abducted by aliens. You name it - they have a club
for it somewhere in Germany. I used to think the only purpose for
these clubs was joining together people who had a common interest.
But there is a secondary purpose. The clubs have to have strict
rules, and generally it is the duty of the older club members to
make sure that the younger club members strictly follow the rules.
If this starts to get on your nerves - there is only one solution
as a real German - form your own club and make up your own rules!
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