Real Germans and cleanliness, education, Hausordnung, holidays, and Vereine
By guest author WEISSDORN
Real Germans are cleanliness fanatics. Usually they can only relax and stop worrying when they use their toilet at home, because then they are absolutely 100% sure that it was cleaned properly, because they did this themselves, after the cleaning lady cleaned it first. The chemical industry profits from this obsession, because the Germans are European leaders in the number of cleaning agents, powders and soaps that are purchased annually.
Real Germans consider holiday (vacation) time a God-given right, and sometimes I have the feeling that some of them are convinced that it has been incorporated into the German Constitution, if not the Holy Bible (Thou shalt have 30 days paid vacation time), instead of the civil working laws. The excuse is that without vacation time the working professional cannot regain physical and mental strength to maintain the productivity, is only an excuse. People who actually admit that they spent it riding their bicycle around the neighborhood, or even going to a cabin at the lake are considered by their peers as inferior. Real Germans have to have a trendy vacation, such as hiking in the Himalayas, sailing in the Mediterranean, or mountain biking in Cambodia, or the Australian Outback. If you don’t want to be disregarded by your German colleagues altogether, then at least the all-inclusive hotel on Mallorca, Tenerife, or Ibiza.
Real Germans believe in the soundness of the education system. The fact that they rank No. 25 in the list of developed countries is simply considered as irrelevant, although they are doing what they can to prove that this statistic is based on poor testing results not from real German children, but from immigrants from other countries.
Real Germans believe that traditional German cuisine is superior, and will be the first to tell you that Rheinischer Sauerbraten is superior to Chateau Briand or Filet Mignon. Although France may have more types of cheese; Germany has more kinds of bread and preserved meats (sausage). No real German would ever admit that the Roulade is a dish they stole from the French.
Real Germans prefer minor rules that regulate daily life, such as the Hausordnung. The Hausordnung is the set of rules that governs the daily life in uncounted apartment houses. The Hausordnung tells the Germans when they can make noise or music, when they have to be quiet. Who has to clean the stairwell, take out the trash or shovel snow. It even tells them how often they are allowed to have a party. Although it would seem a contradiction. As much as they like making these rules, they also like to break them, and then the others seem to enjoy lecturing the ones who broke the rules that they have done something absolutely impossible, and they must be punished for this. No, I don’t understand it! The courts are full of cases based on petty neighbor squabbles.
Real Germans love clubs. Clubs (Vereine) in Germany even have a special financial tax-free status (e.V. – eingetragenes Verein). There are clubs for everything from bowling to knitting, singing and rowing, for animal lovers of all kinds, even clubs for people who have been abducted by aliens. You name it – they have a club for it somewhere in Germany. I used to think the only purpose for these clubs was joining together people who had a common interest. But there is a secondary purpose. The clubs have to have strict rules, and generally it is the duty of the older club members to make sure that the younger club members strictly follow the rules. If this starts to get on your nerves – there is only one solution as a real German – form your own club and make up your own rules!
Real Germans are cleanliness fanatics. Usually they can only relax and stop worrying when they use their toilet at home, because then they are absolutely 100% sure that it was cleaned properly, because they did this themselves, after the cleaning lady cleaned it first. The chemical industry profits from this obsession, because the Germans are European leaders in the number of cleaning agents, powders and soaps that are purchased annually.
